Week 4iii: Objective writing for the Web

Writing for the Web: Be Objective

The words you use will project your image, so choose your words carefully so as to project your intended image.

Activity: Look at the following. What impression do you get of the writers? Try to guess their personality, age and appearance.



Example 1:


A very warm welcome!
Welcome to our website! We had a lot of fun making it and we hope you will have fun reading it! We have lots of goodies in store for you, whether you are a casual surfer or a serious searcher. Come on in and click on a button. Enjoy your stay and hope to see you again. Byeee!





Example 2:

Site Survey
The following questionnaire is designed to provide us with information that will help us improve the site and make it more relevant to our customers’ requirements. Select your answers from the drop-down menu below. The questionnaire will only take 2 – 3 minutes to complete.
At the bottom of the form, you may choose to append your name, address and telephone number. Respondents who leave their aforementioned details may be contacted at some point in the future to participate in a survey to help us improve the relevance and usefulness of this site.
Any comments or concerns may be directed to our Customer Service Officer.


Example 3:



Hi, CHECK THIS OUT!
It’s the latest. It’s the best. It’s the coolest thing ever!
It’s the hippest and newest water pumps in town. If the crazy colours don’t flip your mind, then come see our dizzying designs!
There’s even one for Ultraman fans! Cool, dude!
Note, too, that the font styles you use will also contribute to the image created. We will look more into this later on.




Activity: Look at the following texts. Which one would you prefer and trust?


i. As the world’s premier and top provider of email communications to the financial services industry, we are extremely happy and proud to offer you the most innovative and fastest delivery of highly effective and targeted email messages aimed at potential and existing banking individuals and SMEs.

ii. If you want to send email marketing to potential and existing customers of financial services, let us help you to create and deliver targeted and effective messages.

Some comments:
Text i sounds like it’s trying too hard with the marketing language and over-emphasis on adjectives; whereas Text ii comes across as being more direct and sincere.

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1638344_1638341_1638339,00.html



Activity:

Look at the following texts and decide which one you would trust and read most: (taken from McAlpine’s Web Word Wizardry pp. 38-40)

Text 1:

We provide tools, training, and consulting for a wide range of enterprise needs including business process analysis, project and cost management, activity based costing, process and data modeling, discrete event simulation, workflow optimization, and functional analysis.

Text 2:

Company Y is the leader in providing web-based enterprise technology along with industry expertise to simplify and manage the increasingly complex function of the telecommunications for mid-to large-sized businesses. The Company Y platform provides one bill integrating a full suite of best-of-breed telecommunications services, accessible via the Internet, and supported by experts who design and manage growing networks on an ongoing basis.

Text 3:

Share your successes. If it works, spread the word. If you solved a problem on the day shift, tell the night shift crew what you did. Don’t keep secrets. Tell your staff what the problem was, what you tried and what finally worked.


Texts 1 and 2 sound very corporate and serious. At the same time, they can sound boring too. All corporate-speak sound the same, and can sound very cold and condescending. On the other hand, Text 3 comes across as being personable and with a human voice.

Note: You will need to decide on which tone of voice and style you want to adopt to suit your website’s purpose and audience. When writing, try to establish a sincere and conversational voice with your audience, while keeping a neutral and objective tone. Hardsell will only turn your readers off.



Employ an objective tone:


-Users do not like reading ‘marketese’ (hardsell or hyped up marketing language). Users will avoid text with boastful claims eg ‘the best ever’, ‘the hottest product’, ‘the only thing you’ll ever need’. They see such sites with such language as being less credible.



-Credibility is important for web users, as it is often unclear who is writing for the website and if that information can be trusted.



-Research has shown that simple, direct language works better on screen than flowery or "marketing oriented" writing. Users tend to ignore anything that looks like an ad, and the objective language version of text is seen to be 27% better. Promotional language imposes “a cognitive burden” (Nielsen) on users who have to spend time and effort filtering out the hype to get the facts.



-Unlike traditional print media such as newspapers that are seen to be more credible, trust is more of an issue for websites. Websites need to cut down on marketese, slogans, and any other items that can cause distrust.



Thus, when writing objectively for the web, you need to:
-present facts clearly, with evidence, and allow users to decide for themselves what is useful

-include links to statistics, detailed descriptions or numbers to back up your claims

-write as if you are having a conversation with an individual, not a faceless mass of readers

-write in a neutral, objective tone, or a highly personal approach, revealing real details about your own life

-avoid vague claims or over-hyped advertising talk such as "greatest thing since the invention of the wheel!"

-avoid boasting or exaggerating

-avoid concentrated noun strings often found in marketing language such as "world-class enterprise solutions". If the information is needed, devote a sentence to each, preferably in a bulleted list

-focus on nouns and verbs that feature benefits and cut down on adverbs and adjectives

-include items seen as trustworthy such as quotes from experts whose names and photos are provided as well


Other tips to enhance the credibility of the web page:
· Use high-quality graphics
· Use outbound hypertext links that link to other sites as these often show that the writers are clear and accurate in what they have written and dare to let readers visit other sites
· Check your spelling as spelling errors can reflect a lack of professionalism and attention to detail
· Proofread your Web pages more than once as mistakes of any kind can undermine the credibility of your site.


Look at the following example taken from http://www.webwritingthatworks.com/DGuideTrim1e.html and see what changes have been made to improve it.


Original marketing paragraph

There’s no magic formula for e-business success. It requires broad vision, tight execution — and a fully integrated, instantly scalable, totally flexible technology infrastructure base, enterprise-wide. That’s why more and more world-class companies are relying on the mySIMP e-business platform. Our industry-leading solution package enables dynamic organizations like yours to reduce the time it takes to bring your products to market. We help you build long-lasting relationships with your most loyal customers. Together, we can achieve long-term, profitable growth.
79 words


Revised marketing paragraph

To succeed in e-business, you need to bring together data from all over your company, building on technology that can handle quick changes, cut time to market, and let you get closer to your most loyal customers. How? Build on the mySIMP e-business platform.
44 words


Activity: Try the following exercises in writing objectively:


1 Rewrite omitting exaggerated or boastful language.
Since its brilliant beginning at a top-rated international laboratory, the World Wide Web, or the graphical and interactive side of the vast and complicated network of networks known as the Internet, has swept the computing world, and indeed, the whole world of business, like a tidal wave. The Web wows end users because it offers such incredibly intuitive technologies as fast and accurate searching, hypertext navigation, and instantaneous connection with information in almost every country in the world. 78 words



2 Reduce the puffery.
Recently, our premiere team of world-class scientists and top-rated engineers celebrated the remarkable discovery of the neutrino 40 years ago by Frederick Reines and Clyde Cowan while working for the Laboratory. The Reines and Cowan Nobel Prize-winning research on neutrinos was a fantastic demonstration of the incredible synergy of mission-oriented, applied, and basic research. Impressive, too, is the amazing progress made in neutrino physics over the last 40 years. Our researchers have continued to be at the leading edge of this exciting field of science. 85 words