Web users are impatient and will scan text than read word-by-word. Thus, it is important to make each Web page look readable, hence inviting users to scan it.
According to Nielsen (Information Pollution, Jakob Nielsen's Alertbox, August 11, 2003), we are surrounded by information pollution, that is made up of useless chatter.
Each little piece may not be that harmful, but if we start to assume that most communication is useless and ignore it, then we may be missing out on any important information within it.
So, stop writing information pollution: If users don't need it, don't write it.
Burying information in too many words also makes it harder for users to extract useful information. People need to be able to quickly find the information they need.
Activity: Discuss how can you make your writing more concise?
How you can be concise:
-cut your paper-based text by 50%
-delete unnecessary adverbs and adjectives or words added just to emphasize your sincerity eg really and truly
-avoid repetitition and stay relevant/stick closely to your topic
-place examples, background information, etc in hyperlinks to other pages
-reduce metaphors and cliches
-use simple sentence structures
-use the active voice as it is more direct and usually shorter than passive sentences (replace nouns with verbs when possible)
-use words that are more common, shorter, and words that readers are more familiar with (so use familiar one-syllable words; in the English language, high-frequency words tend to be shorter, more pronounceable, and contain fewer syllables)
-use positive language (avoid negatives) as negative words require more effort to process eg the switch is not off vs the switch is on.
Note: Be careful not to edit or delete too much that the meaning becomes unclear. When looking for text to keep or delete, always think of your Audience, Purpose and Keywords.
Some examples of being concise:
Original:
There is a requirement for monthly testing of both treated and untreated samples for the determination of contaminant levels. The sample testing and data analysis are carried out by our Chief Security Technician.
Revised version:
Every month we must test both treated and untreated samples for contaminants. Our Chief Safety Technician tests the samples and analyses the data.
Original:
We regret to inform you that enrolment cancellation, which is not the same as course rescheduling, cannot be addressed via email transmissions and must be handled in person. Enrolment cancellation is handled at our office in Shenton Way.
Revised version:
If you need to cancel your enrolment, please visit us at #01-10 Shenton Way. If you need to change the dates of your course, please email us.
Original:
Decisions about strategy occur in the President’s office.
Revised version:
The President decides on the strategy.
Original:
Please implement the utilization of a digging instrument.
Revised version:
Please use a shovel.
Look at the following passages.
How can you rewrite them to make them more concise?
(some examples are from
Text 1
Before: 239 words
If our product turns out to be the wrong color, fit, or combination, or if there is a quality defect, please feel free to return it for a full credit. We hope that you have not thrown away the packing slip that we put in with the order. That has the instructions on it, for a sure and successful return of the product. Of course, if you are returning something that someone sent you as a gift, please let us know the buyer's name and address, and tell us what you want us to do, like, for instance, crediting you, or refunding the money to the original purchaser. Now before you return anything, you ought to call us, or use the form on the packing slip, so we know who is sending back the product, and so you can get credit, if that is what you want. You can call us at 1-800-963-4816 to change your original order (we call this process a re-order). Using the packing slip form, down in the reorder section, you can fax the reorder to us, to get faster service, at 1-800-332-0103. Or you can just send the reorder back with the return. When sending the product back, use the US mail, or UPS, and send it to our company return address.
Company Return2 Company Lane Smallville, IN USA 87107
(Please note that a convenient pre-printed address label is on the packing slip.)
After: 88 words
1. Follow the guidelines on the packing slip enclosed with the order. (If returning a gift, include buyer's name and address, and what you'd like us to do.) Download a printable Return/Reorder Form.
2. For a quick reorder, call us at 1-800-963-4816. Or complete the packing slip reorder section, then fax us at 1-800-332-0103 or send back with the return.
3. Using UPS or the U.S. mail, send your return to:
Company Returns Company Lane Smallville, IN USA 87107
(A pre-printed address label is on the packing slip.)
Text 2
Before: 171 words
How do I check out when I am all done with my shopping at the stores within the Jumbo portal?
Whether you are buying one item, a dozen, or maybe a hundred, you can just simply click on the Shopping Cart icon, which appears at the top of every JumboShop page. Once you are in the shopping cart, you can do several things, if you want. Optionally, you can confirm that everything you wanted to buy has shown up in the order, enter billing and shipping information, and then click the
Check Me Out button, to move the order along. At the moment you click the Check Me Out button, we send your order to the individual store. At that point, the transaction is between you and the store, and if there are any problems, you need to talk to the store. If you call us, we will only be able to help you with our part of the transaction, that is, before we actually send the order to the store.
After: 50 words
How do I check out?
1. Click the Shopping Cart at the top of the page.
2. Look over your order. (You can delete items if you want).
3. Enter billing and shipping info.
4. Click Check Me Out.
At that time, we send your order to the individual store.
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